I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
