drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
