Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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