My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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