It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
