On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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