mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
