Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So apparently I’m into choking now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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