Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
