i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this boner is exhausting
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
