Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
