Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
