I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
