what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
