his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
