Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
