quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
