Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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