I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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