I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
