Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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