I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
