chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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