He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
