piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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