I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize