Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
