nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
