Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
