margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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