did you get engaged???
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
