apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
