Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
