thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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