Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
