i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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