Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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