I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
