I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
