I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
