Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
