So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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