I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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