I accidentally burped into my bong.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
