You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Green mimosas i think yes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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