Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
