i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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