Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
