this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize