and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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