there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize