well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
