Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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