her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did i just pee glitter
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