honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
