Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my being single is dangerous.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize