im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My life is pants optional.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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