she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
