I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
