I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
