I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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