I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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