if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
