The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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