So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
