we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
