the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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