Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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