i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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