OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
