god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
