shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
