i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
