I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
