Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
