she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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