omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
