I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
