Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
