Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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