So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
