I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize