You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
