just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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