Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize