he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
