i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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