none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
