What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
