I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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