u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize